ghostsighs | ficmix: twilight - positive tension (jacob/leah)

title. positive tension
rating. pg13
fandom/pairing. twilight / jacob/leah with some slight jacob/bella and sam/leah
summary. His mind was screaming no at him, but it screamed Bella louder and he couldn’t control himself. She breathed his name into his ear and he pretended her hands were someone else’s.
notes. Written for

anythingbutgrey's birthday. Betaed by

pocketsun. Part of the dialogue is stolen from Lover I Don't Have to Love by Bright Eyes. Title from Positive Tension by Bloc Party. Originally posted here.

zip file (41mb)

As soon as Jacob Black stepped inside La Push, Sam was smiling at him and trying to show sympathy. He’d only come home so the pack would stop worrying. The last place he wanted to be was here, an earshot from everything he’d ran from. Sam wrapped his arm around him, saying something about dinner and all Jacob could think of was how long it would be before she knew he was home.

---

He felt like he couldn’t talk to anyone; they’d felt and seen it all anyway. Quil and Embry wouldn’t even look at him when they talked. Sam was the only one that addressed him directly and even then he sounded more like a father than a friend.

He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat. Every silence was yelling Bella’s name so he drove a lot. No music, windows down, eighty miles per hour. He wanted to drive by her house, but he couldn’t. If he saw his car there, he’d have to fight the urge to park and rush at him, fists flying.

When he got home one night from what was now a ritual of mindless driving, she was sitting on his front porch. Her hands folded and eyes heavy with guilt.

“Hey,” she offered. She met his eyes with her own and Jacob couldn’t help but laugh. No one else really dared to and here was Leah, giving him this courtesy.

“You need something?” He didn’t want to sound cold, but he’d forgotten how hard he’d let himself become, everything he thought and felt was razor-sharp and it was difficult to not let that melt into his tone.

She hugged her middle and shook the hair out of her face. He breathed her in, smelling something he was sure he recognized. He twisted his face when she started to walk towards him, “I wanted to see if you wanted to talk.. or something. I mean, I understand. You know…”

Jacob tilted his head, taking in the scent in the air. He knew better than to think it was her, it had to be something on Leah. And it felt so familiar, he couldn’t resist. He threw an arm around her and started to walk them in.

“Thank you, Leah. Yeah.”

---

They ended up talking a lot, getting to know more about each other than either thought was possible. Jacob even grew to like Leah, calling her when he saw movies they’d talked about on TV. But, he knew that Leah was starting to see him in a way that he just couldn’t return.

One night, Jacob had been screaming about Bella and Edward again, Leah listening and trying to calm him down. She got frustrated and stood in front of him, her eyes angry.

“You are going to have to move on after a while, Jake. You can yell about it all you want, but it isn’t going to change the fact that she doesn’t want you.”

Jacob turned from her, punching a hole in the wall. “Just like you’re over Sam, right?” He turned to face her, awaiting her reaction. She walked over to him, breathing in his hot breath and not moving when he started to scowl.

She put her hand to his face and he shrugged her off. “Love’s just an excuse to get hurt and to hurt,” he spit, every word dripping in venom.

She looked up at him, staring at his eyes. She swore she saw a thousand heartaches in them and she couldn’t believe just one girl could do this to a boy. “You dwell on it so much, Jake. Do you like to hurt?”

She pressed herself against him, his arms at his side. Her lips were at his neck and he glared down at her when she pulled back. She kissed his lips, pretending they were begging yes.

“Then hurt me.”

Jacob slammed her into the wall and she laughed against his jaw. He kissed her roughly, feeling the tears but not allowing them. His mind was screaming no at him, but it screamed Bella louder and he couldn’t control himself. She breathed his name into his ear and he pretended her hands were someone else’s.

---

It had been days and only one decision made sense to Jacob. The drawers of his bureau were ripped open, clothes hanging out like dripping wax. He kept himself focused on exactly what he was doing, fighting the anger brewing inside him.

He smelled Leah before he heard her hand lightly knocking on his bedroom door. He grunted a response, not letting himself look at her face. She stood just inside his room, her arms crossed tightly around herself.

“So, it’s like this? Skip town again, not letting any of us know?”

Jacob stayed silent, zipping up the last of his bags and throwing them just beside Leah’s feet. He could almost feel the anger in the room as she moved to stand in front of him, grabbing his arms at the biceps and forcing him to look at her.

“I never thought we’d end up as something, Jake. So, if that is why you are leaving…”

Jacob ripped from her hands and took a step back. “It was a mistake even coming back here.”

He walked past her and picked up his bags, looking back at her a final time when he heard a sigh break through the raging quiet in the room.

“Was I mistake too, Jake?”

Jacob scanned her, his eyes working down her body and back up. He stayed quiet, hoping that he could build the courage to lie to her, to tell her all the cliché things a girl wants to hear. He turned his back again, gripping the door knob much too tightly.

“It was nothing. It meant nothing, I felt nothing. I’m sorry if you did.”

He started to walk down the hall, reaching the steps and descending them quickly.

Leah’s voice carried in a way he wished it didn’t because he could hear every syllable even though he was nearly out the door.

“You may be able to run away from me but she’s stuck inside your heart… you can’t outrun her.”

He stopped in his tracks, swallowing hard and spoke softly.

“I can try.”