fanmix: nothing and nowhere (edward/jacob)

[boundary.livejournal.com]

title. nothing and nowhere
fandom/pairing. twilight / edward/jacob
format/size. mp3/zip, 78mb
summary. Edward and Jacob have been together for years, getting married and settling into what they assume will be blissful eternity. Jacob was turned into a hybrid (both vampire and wolf, half and half) years ago, but has been fighting against the angry monster that lives inside him, that lives inside all immortals. Edward coaxes this part of Jacob out without thinking of the repercussions and the monster takes over, shoving the Jacob Edward fell in love with deep inside -- completely aware but helpless. Edward is tortured and broken down in the time the monster is present inside of Jacob, glutting himself on humans and eventually convincing Edward to do the same. It is when this happens that Jacob finally breaks free, seeing the damage that has been done. For months, Edward and Jacob fight, both battling demons the other can't understand but are battling themselves. It's weeks and weeks of touch and go, trying to get close and pushing each other away. Eventually, Jacob leaves, upset that the Edward he fell for is now barely a shell of himself. It leads to months apart, and talks of divorce and lonely eternities. In the end, both cannot be without the other and Edward finally finds a way to heal and change himself, to be the person Jacob deserves. This leads to a reunion in Italy -- where Edward had retreated to -- that both were sure could never happen. This is the base of this mix.
notes. This is based off a plotline in a personal role-play between myself and havens (the Jacob to my Edward). The writing included is from threads during the six month arc of this story, taking a month for us to write. Also, the manip in the tracklisting is one havens made and that I shamelessly stole. And as if she didn't help me enough, she also helped me pick excerpts and proofread this post for me. She's kinda amazing. Lastly, Nicolas Bemberg and Steven Strait are featured as Edward Cullen and Jacob Black respectively.








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01poe - "haunted"  ♪ can you tell me where i am? you. won't you say something? i need to get my bearings. i'm lost, and the shadows keep on changing. The nights are the worst, Jacob thinks. He doesn’t sleep much, just stares up at the ceiling and thinks about everything and nothing. When Jacob does sleep he has nightmares. Most of them are memories of what he's done, who he's done them to. There are faces of people he doesn't know. It's not as if he took names as he was hunting them. But then there is one face he does know and seeing it makes him want to die in a thousand different ways. Jacob prefers the insomnia, except sometimes he becomes delirious. 02keane - "we might as well be strangers"  ♪ i don't know your face no more, or feel the touch, that i adore. i don't know your face now more; it's just the place, i'm looking for. The hotel is familiar now but never feels comfortable. And when Jacob unlocks the door and walks in, he looks over at Edward, wants to say something, anything, to him, but doesn't and walks into the bathroom instead, locks the door behind him and sits down on the cool tiles so he can have space that is so welcome now. Edward sighs and walks over to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "I'm going to hunt. I don't know how far away." Edward wants to ask Jacob to come with him. He wants to slam through the door and hold Jacob, but that feels awkward now, like the couple that would do that is a million miles in the past. 03tori amos - "putting the damage on"  ♪ i'm trying not to move, it's just your ghost passing through. i said, i'm trying not to move, it's just your ghost passing through. Edward looks over his shoulder at Jacob. "That's not what I meant. Fuck." He returns his gaze to the carpet of the hotel room, watching the cheap seventies patterns with his eyes. He decides that he wants to just give up -- like before when he was in enemy arms -- because there is nothing that can fix this. He doesn't understand how Jacob is so unemotional. He doesn't grasp how he is completely falling apart, and Jacob is entirely unaffected. "This isn't like before. We can't just kiss and make up." He looks at Jacob again, and isn't surprised when it hurts this time. "You broke me." "You think you're broken?" he asks, keeping his tone calm. "You helped kill one person. Do you know how many I killed, Edward? Dozens more. I did horrible, terrible things without a second thought, things that I've been against and you think you're broken?" He shakes his head, unable to do much else because that will only lead him into hysterics that he has kept himself from falling into for days now. "I didn't ask you to stay. You did that of your own free will." Pausing, he walks across the room and sits down in a chair, then immediately stands again because he can't stay still. "You had decades of control. And you lost it all because of what? Because I asked you to?" He laughs then, not of humor, but of how fucking fucked this all is. "That wasn't me. But I guess you forgot that. Just like you forgot about what is right and wrong, too. So don't tell me I broke you, Edward, like it was all my doing. You helped yourself along the way." 04emily haines - "nothing and nowhere"  ♪ playgrounds are graveyards and all of our scars are permanent. there's no replacement for places. i'll always love you, you're mine. numb is the new high; all memories die out 'till nothing and nowhere is golden. "How can you not see it?" Jacob asks, his annoyance at Edward, at this, at everything, beginning to grow and bother him. "We're not over it, Edward," he says very simply, "and it makes it pretty obvious that we aren't ready to be like that. Your thoughts are proof of that." Edward turns then, anger beginning to surge through his body. "Of course we aren't over it! We won't be over it for a very long time, and even longer if we just tip-toe around each other." He steps forward, getting closer to Jacob and the couch. "I refuse to go back to how it was. I won't. You are the only thing keeping me together." Edward feels every ounce of anger drain out of him when he thinks about this, talks about it, feels it. "I need you, and I need to be close to you. I can't give that up again, Jake." "But we're not even close to starting the process of getting over this," he says exasperatedly. "You aren't aware of the little things you do that I notice. You don't see them, Edward. But I do. And I just can't -" He sighs, unsure of how to even go on. He understands Edward, he knows why he's like this, but Jacob, despite being supernatural, is just a man, and he's been broken down so many times in these short months. "I know you love me, Edward, but when we're close, you think about it and maybe you don't realize you are thinking about it, but I do. And it's just so much worse when it's your point of you." Jacob is right; Edward isn't even aware of what he thinks about. He tries so hard to keep his mind on the moment, to think about how much he loves Jacob, but sometimes all those bad things creep back in and it makes it difficult to get back to where he was. Edward stares at Jacob like he's insane and tries to figure out if it is something he should apologize for or leave alone. "Fuck, Jake." The arm around his middle tightens because he never even began to understand how something he didn't know he was going could affect Jacob this greatly. "I don't know what to say, or what to do." He knows there is nothing to day, nothing he can possibly do. This just is, it's another hurdle that they have to attempt to clear. If they don't, it's stumbling, falling, and trying again. The only problem is that Edward doesn't even know if he has any tries left in him. "Neither do I," Jacob quietly admits. Jacob lowers his head, his gaze falling upon his hands. He flexes his fingers twice, balls his hands up into fists, then relaxes them. The things he does to keep himself from looking at Edward amuse him and sadden him at the same time. No, the fact that Jacob has to do these things so he doesn't look at Edward sadden him. He sighs. "I'm so sick and tired of this, Edward. I really am. It's fucking exhausting and unfair. But, we're the ones doing it." He laughs bitterly. "We're fucked up." 05jenny lewis - "trying my best to love you"  ♪ i want you back, my baby. i want you back in my arms. i want you back right now. they make it so hard on us, baby. it's so hard on us, baby. Jacob's so tired of being lonely and untouched and so unhappy. "I never meant to hurt you," Jacob says aloud, but to himself and closes his eyes, so tired of this life that's now his. "I never meant to hurt you either." As Edward says this, he places his hand -- hesitantly and shaking -- on Jacob's shoulder, squeezing lightly. Jacob hasn't felt Edward's hand on him in what seems like so many years, but he can't get his hopes up. He can't get even more hurt than he's already been. His bottom lip trembles slightly. "Please don't... if you're never going to touch me again, then please don't now. Because I'm not that strong, and I can't take anymore of this." He breathes, slowly, but he breathes. "Can't you see that you're tearing me apart?" 06death cab for cutie - "the ice is getting thinner"  ♪ we're not the same dear, and it seems to me there's nowhere we can go with nothing underneath. and it saddens me to say that we both know it's true -- the ice was getting thinner under me and you. Edward moves forward again, they're so much closer than they have been. Edward can feel Jacob's breath and the heat from how angry he was before. "I miss you, too," he says just as quietly, his voice cracking. "God, I miss you so much." He nearly reaches out, but thinks better of it, knowing that he can't, that it will regress everything they've worked toward just now. Jacob doesn't mean to whimper but the proximity between them is closer than it has been in so long and it gets to him, overwhelms him in a good and bad way. He doesn't mean to shake, but the scent of Edward so close to him, the smell of his breath, it terrifies him and thrills him at the same time. He misses Edward so much even when he's right here in front of him. When Jacob looks at Edward again, Edward is looking at him, too. It hurts and makes him happy all at once. But there is hesitation here, so thick that he can taste it, and he knows he shouldn't, but one of his fists unclenches and he reaches out just enough to brush the tips of his fingers across Edward's arm. Edward doesn't mean to wince away from Jacob, but it happens, and it's done, and the way Jacob's face twists into upset makes his stomach turn. "No. No, no, no." God, it's done, and he feels like there is a knife in his gut, turning and twisting. Edward reaches out for Jacob, trying to grab his arm before he walks away. This is not the first time or the last time Jacob is glad he's so fast, because he's away from Edward rather quickly, creating vast amounts of space between them. Jacob prefers it now and would rather Edward not touch him just to coddle him and pretend that it will be better. 07matthew good - "weapon"  ♪ here by my side, it's heaven. here by my side, you are destruction. here by my side, a new colour to paint the world. never turn your back on it; never turn your back on it again. here by my side, it's heaven. Jacob's eyes open and he finds himself staring at Edward, who is sleeping until Jacob moves, disrupting the embrace they've kept themselves in all night. Jacob dreads the moment Edward's eyes open, but when they do he has no idea what to say, so he says nothing at all, just stares wide eyed, open mouthed and silent. All Jacob can think about is that he smells like Edward and that it's playing with his senses. The scent seems to have burrowed its way deep into his skin and he can't breathe. Jacob reaches behind himself to open the door. "I have to shower... see you later." The way his voice raises an octave or two is embarrassing, but he spins around and is out of the room before he can think more about it. Edward's left like a one-night stand, sitting on the bed to put things back together. He almost laughs at how there wasn't sex, there wasn't even kissing, yet he feels used and wrong. His arms go around him tight, trying to keep all the warmth in, but it was fading so fast. When Edward closes his eyes, he can smell Jacob on his clothes, on his skin and it makes him feel even worse about it all. Jacob said he needed a shower, but that's the last thing Edward wants. He basks in Jacob's scent on him, knowing that soon it will fade too and he'll be left with absolutely nothing. Obviously Jacob's forward behavior after their talk last night had only been a temporary thing. 08damien rice - "rootless tree"  ♪ what i want from us is learn to let go, but we fade the forests, fracture the tide. we go blind when we needed to see, and it leans on me, like a rootless tree. Jacob turns around and walks back over to stand in front of Edward. He looks down, a curious look on his face. "Why haven't you taken your ring off yet? It's not like you need it anymore." "Do you want it?" Edward slips it off his finger easily, holding it between his thumb and index finger. "What are you trying to accomplish?" He looks at the ring for a second and then places it on the table in front of him. "Do you think I'm going to snap out of this?" He stands and moves in front of Jacob. "This is nothing to me now." Edward looks over his shoulder and then back to Jacob. "Take it home as a parting gift. I don't need it." "I've got to hand it to you, Cullen, you're really good at this," Jacob says and smiles at him. If Edward thinks he can get rid of him so easily he's got another thing coming. "And well, if you don't need yours anymore neither do I," Jacob calmly states and takes his own ring off, walks over to the table and places it right beside Edward's. He stares for a moment and then looks at Edward again. "I think we should make it official," he says and gestures toward his now bare ring finger. "You know, get a divorce, etcetera. There's no need for us to be connected like that anymore, right? Cut all ties, get out of each others lives for good." "If that's what you want, so be it." Edward gives Jacob a look that says nothing at all except that he feels nothing about the words he's just spoken. "Good. We'll figure it all out, and the sooner, the better. I'd like to get on with my life because this," Jacob gestures at himself and then at Edward, "isn't something I want to deal with anymore. And neither do you, so it's mutual." 09fiona apple - "on the bound"  ♪ baby, lay your head on my lap one more time. tell me you belong to me. baby, say that it's all going to be alright. i believe that it isn't. The door slams and Edward barely even hears it. Everything else is so much louder. He stands for a while, sure that Jacob will be coming back. They've never been like this, but surely Jacob wouldn’t leave him again. It wasn't the first time he had watched Jacob walk away, but he never thought he would have to again. After an hour, he curls into one of the arm chairs, knees to his chest and arms around his legs. He closes his eyes and after two and a half hours have passed, his chest goes vacant and hollow. His eyes flash open, and it's only then that he knows Jacob is truly gone. Edward doesn't move from the chair for hours, until he begins to miss so much that he never even realized he was going to lose. He walks to the bedroom and stares at the bed for a few minutes before finally laying down on it. Edward pulls the covers around him, their scent so strong that it nearly chokes him. He closes his eyes and pretends Jacob is there, that he never left. He pretends it was a bad dream and that Jacob is there to comfort him after he wakes up gasping. Edward almost smiles at his delusion, so sure that it is reality until his eyes open, and he is alone with the moonlight. He slams his eyes closed again, and does everything he can to forget he shattered his delusion at all. The sheets still smell like them. The room still smells like them, left untouched because Rachel refuses to change anything in it. Rachel tells him she'll always keep it just the way it is, and he wishes she didn't because everything smells like them and it's tearing him apart. Jacob must be a masochist now. He must be now that he lies on a bed for hours, for days, and inhales deeply, smells them and keeps memories alive in just this, in a thing as simple as scent. But when have they ever been simple? Never. It would be easier if things were simple, but it never has been and now isn't any different. They're everywhere in this room and in this house. It's torture, just like it was torture with so many boundaries and rules. Jacob can't seem to find an escape from it and none of this is fair. Jacob knows he's done wrong, has taken lives, and deserves to be punished, but this is too much. This hurts too much and he doesn't even have the ability to cry it all out. And it's not as if he can die either. Jacob's just stuck here, like this, living in a memory of something he is pretty positive he'll never have again. That's all it will be now -- memories. Never a new one made, just old ones revisited over and over. And it fucking hurts. 10cat power - "fool"  ♪ a direct hit of the senses you are disconnected. it's not that it's bad; it's not that it's death. it's just on the tip of your tongue, and you're so silent. Edward lays his head back on the small bed, shutting his eyes and seeing the one face he doesn't want to see behind his eyelids. He winces at the memories that follow and jerks his eyes open. He swears he can smell Jacob, that he can feel him here in Italy even though he knows that is impossible. He can hear Jacob's voice telling Edward that he loves him. Edward shakes his head and sits up. "Stop haunting me." He says the words aloud like someone is there to answer him back. He can feel the pain resurfacing. He's shoved it so far down and yet it always finds a way back. Edward cries out because every single inch of him is on fire and ice cold. He curses Jacob, curses promises made and the wedding ring he refuses to take off. "Stop haunting me!" He can see Jacob, see him as clear as if he were really there and makes himself shut his eyes. "No. You're not even fucking real." He repeats it until he's asleep and his mind tortures him even more. Dreams always were his most vivid playground. 11sarah mclachlan - "do what you have to do"  ♪ and i have the sense to recognize that i don't know how to let you go. every moment marked with apparitions of your soul. i'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire, the yearning to be near you. i do what i have to do. Edward watches Jacob's face and it burns from just how raw all of this feels. "I care so much for you, so much more that I could ever about anyone or even about myself." He lowers his head because it begins to hurt too much to look at Jacob. "I don't give a fuck about myself, I just want you happy. It's all that matters to me. If I have to apologize for that, then I will." "I don't want you to care more about me than you do about yourself," Jacob says exasperatedly. He turns away, needs to take some steps back because he's still angry, but more than that Jacob's upset and hurt and he doesn't want to be close to Edward right now. "Doing what you don't want to doesn't make me happy, Edward." The exasperation is gone from his voice now, replaced with sadness. "I wish you'd finally realize that instead of doing things you think will make me happy when they just break my heart all over again." It feels like Jacob has punched him in the chest and Edward has to take a step backward to brace himself. He looks at Jacob without a thing to say that will make this better. Nothing can except Edward completely changing who he is, the person he became when Jacob was a monster. Jacob is so far from him and it feels wrong, but Edward cant make himself move from the spot he is in. "Jake, I-," Edward stops and shakes his head as his arms hold his middle. "Fuck, I... I don't know what to say." Smiling sadly at Edward, Jacob shrugs and rubs his cheek slowly, needing to do something to distract himself from how sad he feels right now. "Maybe there's nothing you can say." 12joseph arthur - "ashes everywhere"  ♪ oh, darling, since you've been away from me, i know how the pins feel in the bowling alley. they say love is something you feel but never see. when i see you i firmly disagree. i'm just trying to be all that i can be without destroying you. Edward doesn't say a thing and pulls Jacob into the bedroom that Edward had been occupying, knowing it will probably trigger things in Jacob that he wants to trigger. Edward looks down at the bed and then at Jacob, his eyes hopeful. "I want to lay with you. We don't have to touch if you don't want to, but we should. We need to or we're never going to move forward. I'm tired of what we are, I want what we were." It's difficult to think clearly because everything in this room smells like Edward. Jacob tries not to breathe, but he realizes that he wants to because he loves that scent and is greedy having denied himself it so many times. But the idea of laying on a bed with Edward is making him nervous. Jacob truly doesn't trust himself at all, but one look at Edward and he gives in, nodding slowly. They both move around the bed at their respective sides and when Jacob lays down he's completely rigid. Edward is nervous as well, so much of him pulling him in another direction, but he doesn't listen and lays down on the bed, looking at Jacob and instantly feeling horrible for forcing him into this. Edward lifts Jacob's chin, forcing Jacob to look at him and speaks quietly. "I don't want you to hold back anymore. I want you to touch me anywhere." He takes one of Jacob's hands and lifts it to lay on his chest. "Please." Breathing in sharply, Jacob swallows, revealing his nervousness physically although he's positive it's been showing anyway. Jacob bites his lip and nods again, moving until he's on his side and his hand stays on Edward's chest. He doesn't know what to do and is trying to play it safe although Edward is telling him he wants this. But he's unsure if Edward really means it or just thinks he does. "I'm so terrified," Jacob admits quietly. "I don't want to ruin this with a mistake." "There aren't any mistakes, Jake." Edward looks down at Jacob's hand, how it is resting so hesitantly on his chest. Edward lifts his own hand and runs his fingers over Jacob's jawline. "I meant it. Anywhere." He adjusts and gets closer to Jacob, his eyes running the length of Jacob's body, remembering each curve inside his mind. "Please, Jake." "There are dozens of mistakes, Edward." Jacob chuckles because he'd rather not sob and shakes his head. The internal battles they both fight are obvious, but his own is strong and he can't seem to win. As Jacob looks away he sits up, moving farther away in more than the physical way. "I'm sorry, Edward, but I can't do this," he says sadly. "I just can't." 13aimee mann - "wise up"  ♪ prepare a list of what you need before you sign away the deed, 'cause it's not going to stop 'til you wise up. Jacob stands then, after sitting for so long he stands and is right in Edward's space, in his face, uncaring of boundaries and rules. "No, that's not all you have," he hisses. Jacob's absolutely furious and hasn't been in so long, but he is now and he can't hide it. He won't. "You just want to take the easy road," he continues just as angrily. "Don't be so fucking pathetic, Edward," he spits out and is so far gone now. "You want honesty?" he asks, takes a step back but is still so close. "You want to be this? You think this is all you are now? Fine. But I refuse to stay with you. I won't watch you be this. My Edward wouldn't want me to." Edward stops breathing and looks away, his arms falling lax to his sides. Jacob being this close toys with him, but it's only proximity now, there's no scent, and since he's looked away, he can't see Jacob's face. Edward looks down, Jacob's breath so rapid. He can sense the anger in him, can feel it but it doesn't overtake him. Right now, Edward is numb. When Edward finally looks up, his eyes don't show the emotion they had before. Edward speaks softly, his words trying to get stuck in his throat. "I'm not your Edward anymore. I'm nothing. Absolutely nothing." "You're right," Jacob says quietly but he feels like he's yelling. "You're not my Edward." After Jacob's said it, the words seem to hang in the air that's already so thick with despair. But he can't stay here anymore. Jacob can't watch this person who looks like Edward, who speaks like Edward and who smells like Edward, ruin everything he loves. He just can't. Jacob promised Edward he would never leave, but the person he promised that to isn't there anymore. This is someone else, someone he doesn't know at all, someone he doesn't want to know. It hurts. It really hurts to do it, but Jacob turns away, takes his coat from the chair it's been sitting on and walks right toward the door, refusing to look back because if he does he won't do it. And as Jacob's hand curls around the doorknob, he quietly says, "I hope one day you realize that you are something." An echo slams hard against his chest, but he's already outside, the door closing softly behind him. 14gemma hayes - "home"  ♪ wait for me golden memories, 'cause i have too few. help pull me up, 'cause i'm hanging on. help me remember when no one's watching. take me home. home, your face is home. It seems right that a storm seems to be coming in while they're arguing. It really seems to set the scene. Thunder crashes above them, as loud as they would sound when they crashed into one another and it taunts him, reminding Jacob that he hasn't got that anymore. Jacob shrugs and turns away from Edward, intent on walking further into the forest. Crossing his arms, he takes a few steps but then stops, unable to let Edward have the last word. Jacob turns, arms still crossed and shakes his head. "You can't kiss me either. So quit trying to act like it's all my fucking fault," Jacob hisses, then turns again and begins to walk away. Edward doesn't move for what feels like hours, long enough for the rain to begin to fall and saturate his clothes and hair. It takes a while for him to realize that he's soaked to the bone. When Edward does, he notices Jacob's far enough away that his scent is leaving him. He trails after, trying to follow and knowing he'll have to use the way that hurts instead of the easy one -- scent. He walks and follows Jacob to a clearing. It's small and Jacob's standing in the middle, drenched and barely noticing he's near. The rain starts to pound down harder and Edward walks toward Jacob, slowly at first and then he's advancing faster. When Jacob looks up, Edward crashes into him, hands on his face and kisses him, his lips pressing hard against Jacob's. He raises his arms to wrap around Jacob's neck and breaks their kiss only to kiss him again. For a moment Jacob doesn't know what's going on. One minute he was walking away angry with Edward and the next they're being soaked by the rain above and Edward is kissing him so hard that he swears it hurts. And it does hurt. It hurts so badly but in a way that isn't bad at all. So, when Edward breaks their kiss, Jacob's confused, but then Edward's kissing him again and this time Jacob kisses him back, wrapping his arms around Edward, holding him so tight that he should be breaking but he's not. 15radiohead - "reckoner"  ♪ feeling pulled apart by horses; fobbed off with lame shite excuses. The word divorce rings around in Edward's head, something about how it sounds when repeated inside his mind that makes his entire body wince and shiver. His spine feels like someone is running a feather across it slowly and gently. Edward doesn't look at Jacob and walks into the bedroom, sitting down on the bed. "I felt you the minute you landed in Italy. My chest filled up and ached so badly that I couldn't breathe," Edward says quietly. Edward closes his eyes and hugs his middle. "I knew then that I still loved you, just the same as before, before anything happened, before you left, before I left." Edward reopens his eyes and looks at where Jacob would be if he moved from the front door. Just as he thinks that, Jacob appears, like magic, leaning against the frame in the way he's seen him do a thousand times. Edward half expects him to say Is that right, Cullen? or anything to change up all the tense air around them. "I knew you'd find me, because it hurt so much worse the closer you got. I stopped breathing, but felt you before I heard you enter this hotel." Finally, Edward stands and walks over to Jacob, looking down as he takes Jacob's hand and holds it. "I don't want to give up." Edward looks back at Jacob's face and doesn't even understand how either of them are standing with all the damage that has been dealt today. "I won't give up." Edward knows he shouldn't, but he leans in closer, kisses Jacob's forehead and closes his eyes. "Forever means forever," Edward mumbles against Jacob's skin. He opens his eyes again and stares right into Jacob's. "Always us, remember?" Jacob's heard those three words uttered in the dark so many times accompanied by the memory of them lying on a bed, trying to deal with the new life that had been forced upon him. But even then there had been hope, and there's always hope, and there's always something worth fighting for because of that. Jacob thought all hope was gone, but not anymore. He feels it again, he tastes it again, and he knows that it's worth everything because they are worth it; they're the prize, the reward, the outcome. They're the air he breathes and the words he speaks and everything else he does. Jacob doesn't know how long it's been since Edward spoke, but he nods and brings his hand up to Edward's face. Jacob's never been good with words, not like Edward is. Jacob's better with actions, and damn it all, he's tired of holding everything inside and keeping away and denying himself things that he shouldn't because they are his and they are theirs. So, Jacob leans forward, kissing Edward before hesitation or anything else sets in and this, this is his answer.

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Comments

[havens.livejournal.com]

A year later and it's still true.

[boundary.livejournal.com]

indeed. the bitches. wish they'd just be happy and leave us alone wth.

[backtograce.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I need to do a roleplay that's epic enough to turn into a fanmix.

I can't wait to read through this when I get home. :]

[spirites.livejournal.com]

Keane <33 and gorgeous artwork! ♥

[katebert.livejournal.com]

ohh downloading the zip!! :D
I love the way you put together mixes. ♥

[goodbyemyfancy.livejournal.com]

DLing the whole zip! Thanks for taking the time to post the songs, and the stories! Very much appreciated!!!

[lostpoisoned.livejournal.com]

wow, girl, there's so much work behind that fanmix, that's just gorgeous.
snagging, love the artwork and the fic...

[katesmannequin.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Excellent mix. Taking "Nothing and Nowhere" ♥

[cherise.livejournal.com]

You just blew my mind anyway, honestly. Reading through those excerpts ... you two have created something real and lasting and this is oh-so-ridiculous and I'm not going to ship them anytime soon, but I almost want to see this as an original book, published and out there. Each of your characters is a tour de force and you know them so, so well. I suppose they wouldn't have to be Edward and Jacob, per se (nice ring to it, though) but seriously. That's something and I feel like I can breathe now?

Also, so much love for these songs! There's a couple new ones I don't know and I rarely download fanmixes for ships I'm not into, but ... *takes* Thanks. :)

[boundary.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I beamed at this. Haha. I sent it to my PIC so she can giggledance too like I did in my chair. Haha. <3

[latex-muffins.livejournal.com]

OMG ANOTHER JAKEWARD MIX!
*steals it*

I'm so happy you made this. I absolutely love all of your other mixes. I have since referred many of my friends here, and for those without LJ, I burned them CDs of your mixes, with your LJ name on it, should they get on LJ. :D:D

♥

[boundary.livejournal.com]

omg! aw!!! i'm seriously so totally blushing right now!

[twilightscribe.livejournal.com]

... you've been dead too long. And this made me cry so badly that a friend left me in favor of his fictional boyfriend, but the happy ending was just... *tears up* I WILL NOT CRY AGAIN. It broke my heart and then stitched it back together again. Augh, I love what you do to my heart and emotions.

Thanks to both of you, I shall now download. :D

[electricfizz.livejournal.com]

This mix is fabulous and the album art is so gorgeous! ♥

S.N.A.G.G.I.N.G!

[ticking-empathy.livejournal.com]

I LOVE YOUUU!

i really really do

:D

[xthe-mad-hatter.livejournal.com]

this was fantastic - the writing... gah. The excerpts were so perfect.

[magiczna.livejournal.com]

Taking! I love your mixes, I discover so much new music thanks to them! ♥

[force-oblique.livejournal.com]

Taking. It seems so interesting!! :)

[popgizmopop.livejournal.com]

downloaded keane! thanks :)

[e-schemer.livejournal.com]

brilliant. snagged. and awesome. :D

[postpossibly.livejournal.com]

You have Ed/Bella and Ed/Jakey.

Obviously you need a threesome mix. Imjustsayin.

[smirk-dog.livejournal.com]

snagged the zip because this is pretty much totally fucking awesome.

[yet2comeundone.livejournal.com]

Wow. I am in love with this. And new music! Epic, thank you so much for posting!

[rollerina.livejournal.com]

downloaded it

[puppet-sylph.livejournal.com]

LOVES THIS <3, taking. tyvm!

[alaskanmermaid.livejournal.com]

Not big on slash...buuut the mix looks good. Snagging ;)

[ronneygirl.livejournal.com]

Totally wild! The fangirl in me gives you 3 squees!!

[smpobsessor.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy you had that Sarah McLachlan song! I love it but can never find it! So downloaded that one and the Poe one! :D