ghostsighs | fanmix: bred my misery and drowned it in him (Reply)

title. bred my misery and drowned it in him
fandom/pairing. twilight / edward/jacob
format/size. mp3/zip, 70mb
notes. Companion mix to the fic of the same name (parts: i, ii, iii). Manip by

havens ♥♥. Art features Nicolas Bemberg and Steven Strait as Edward and Jacob respectively. Title from Margot & the Nuclear So and So's Skeleton Key.

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people in planes - "falling by the wayside" ♪
dive right in, take a drink, enter in, try and win. make sure you call before i leave. keep on top of the game. i'm losing control, falling by the wayside.

Esme gave Alice another tight squeeze before walking over to Edward. He was barely aware of her hand on his shoulder, but when her arm started to encircle his waist -- the way he'd always held Bella against him, the only way he felt like she could be safe -- he winced from her and stormed up the stairs. He heard Rosalie's laughter, heard Esme and Carlisle trying to quiet her. Nothing made it worse because it couldn't get any worse.

feist - "one year a.d." ♪
i had a routine, i wonder what i'll do today. i've got a feeling i'll be doing the same things all over again.

Edward turned back around; a hand going out to take one of Jacob's that were at his sides, balled into fists ready to punch if he felt threatened. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Jacob. Not one single thing. Can you honestly tell me you don't want this?" Edward pried one of Jacob's hands apart, slipping his cold finger within Jacob's warm palm. "Retract from me. Do it. I want to see you lie to yourself."
God dammit, Cullen. Why? Why the hell do you… why am I letting him… why can't I pull away? Shit.
Edward took another step forward, their faces a breath apart. "Resist this. Attack like a good dog should," Edward said with malice lacing through each syllable. "Sic."

jude - "i know" ♪
i know that there's nowhere you can hide it; i know the feeling of alone. trust me and don't keep that on the inside. soon you'll be locked out on your own -- you're not alone.

Jacob turned to look at Edward, his eyes glazing over the vampire's weak frame, taking notice of the way his eyes were sunken into his cheeks as if he could sleep and hadn't. "I can't find her," he said simply. He looked down, his arms crossing over his chest. "I looked for her, and I can't find her. I'm worried."
Edward stood still for a moment and then laughed so loudly it filled the entire room with a boom. "If she wanted you, pup, she'd come to you. Obviously she doesn't want either of us."

mirah - "don't die in me" ♪
but if you want something back, all the things that got cracked when i felt like you lied to me. and all the million mistakes and the kicks in the face, but i don't want you to die in me. so when you say what you want -- that you need -- what you got, don't forget to be kind to me.

"Do you really want that? You want me to disappear? I can, but only if you are sure that's what you want."
The seconds ticked by slowly as Edward waited, anticipating Jacob's answer, but already knowing what it would be. Finally, Jacob cleared his throat and Edward leaned back against the couch, his eyes closing again.
"I can't want you, or this, or… us. There is no us. There can't be. We'll never be more than outcasts and secrets," Jacob whispered.
Edward finally took a breath. "What if I said I was okay with that?"
"I'd say you are more of a moron than I thought," Jacob said lightly, chuckling under his breath. "We'd both have no one."
"We'd have each other," Edward said softly.

bell x1 - "pinball machine" ♪
if push came you'd shove me. i believe you share my bed, you share the blame.

Edward pushed Jacob until his knees hit the bed behind them, pushed more until Jacob was down upon it. Edward lay on top of him, his hands searching Jacob's body, all the warm skin burning his fingertips. He pushed his hand under Jacob's shirt; Jacob's skin felt like fire was kindling below it. It wasn't until Jacob pushed at his shoulders that he remembered the boy needed to breathe. Jacob sucked in breaths hard, his chest heaving and straining. Edward looked down at him and there wasn't hesitation in Jacob's eyes. Edward wanted to regret this, regret his hands pushing and pulling at the flesh of a wolf he could barely tolerate the smell of. He couldn't though, couldn't make himself hate it.

umbrellas - "ships" ♪
just like ships, we float through each other's lives, through the waters of beauty and grace. we will one day dock at the same port, and give rest to our weary legs.

Edward couldn't focus; he was too intent on trying to see what Jacob's intentions were. Jacob's mind was a scattered puzzle of thoughts, every single one racing through his head too quickly to pin down. One single thought was repeating over and over and every time Edward heard it, he kissed Jacob harder, wanting what he didn't know could happen.
I don't love him. I don't love him. I could love him. No, I don't love him.

margot & the nuclear so and so's - "skeleton key" ♪
don't call me that. don't claim you love me, 'cause you know that ain't true. and you're finally free to twist and turn like a skeleton key.

He looked back at the past week; his eyes moving rapidly under his closed lids. He wasn't sure what he felt for the wolf -- unsure if he could feel anything but extreme hatred for him -- but, it wasn't anything that he'd experienced before. His hatred consumed him, to the point that he would entertain himself with ripping the dog apart, tasting his blood, and relishing in the sound of cracking bones under a killer's hands. Edward began to lick his lips, tasting the blood he never would on them. It made a heart that was dead inside his chest flutter with excitement; And this, the moment when he was doing everything to Jacob inside his mind's eye that he couldn't in reality, is when the musky scent of wet dog and sun-kissed skin invaded his sense.

ingrid michaelson - "masochist" ♪
you say that my skin feels like no one else's, that it's different somehow, but i don't understand, isn't a hand just a hand? no, you don't understand.

Jacob's fist balled up, ready to hit the door. Edward saw all of this in Jacob's mind. Jacob's thoughts were erratic and were almost too hard to decipher. The pack can't know. Fucking bloodsucker. Damn leech. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Why am I here? Why can't I leave? Why didn't I destroy my phone? I hate him. I can smell him. Why doesn't he smell like before? He smells different. Dammit. Dammit! The pack will hate me. Sam will cast me out. I can't do this. I need to go back home. Despite this inner monologue, Jacob's feet took him step by step to the belly of the beast he wanted nothing more than to run from. Jacob stood in front of the hotel door, his fist raised to knock. Edward saw every second of this and took in a deep breath as he went to the door to open it. Jacob's hand hovered in the air, waiting to make the choice Edward had made for him.

joan as police woman - "we don't own it" ♪
all you know is the way that he made you feel. he made you feel safe enough to feel at all.

Jacob finally turned, taking in the sight before him. Edward's eyes were dark and sunken in. He looked the same as the last time he'd see him -- like he'd lost months of sleep over something he shouldn't have thought much of. Edward's arms were tightly around his middle, his hair in perpetual disarray that was somewhat of a signature. "Do you… wait," Jacob said carelessly and then looked up into his enemy's eyes. "You like me. Fuck, Cullen. Are you serious?"

mazzy star - "into dust" ♪
i could possibly be fading, or have something more to gain. i could feel myself growing colder; i could feel myself under your fate.

Jacob laughed. "You are pathetic. I'm not going to be your friend, leech."
"I don't want you to be my friend, I..." Edward hesitated and exhaled. "I don't know what I want."
Jacob laughed again, "In that case, I'm done with this. Go back to being an emotional girl, now."
Before Edward could say anything, Jacob hung up. Edward threw the phone across the room and watched it as it slammed against the wall and shattered into a million pieces. "Fuck!" he yelled loudly and collapsed into the couch behind him.
"What the hell have I done?"

anouk & k's choice - "i alone" ♪
it's easier not to be wise and measure these things by your brains. i sank into eden with you, alone in the church by and by.

Edward felt remorse if only because he was ruining everything Jacob had for his own selfish needs. Edward knew he couldn't be alone and Jacob was his cure for that. He sat alone in the hotel room, his eyes seeing Jacob's wanting mouth, begging for his own. His hands touched where Jacob had, still feeling the warmth left of his skin. He sighed and forced himself to rise; walking down the hundreds of stairs once Jacob had left. His mind cycled the same thought over and over.

kings of leon - "sex on fire" ♪
hot as a fever, rattling bones. i could just taste it, taste it. if it's not forever, if it's just tonight. oh, it's still the greatest, the greatest, the greatest.

Jacob shoved Edward forward, his lips connecting with the vampire's. He squeezed Edward's hand as hard as he could, wishing he could break every bone within it. Edward's other hand went around Jacob's waist, pulling the boy against him. Jacob kissed him harder, his lips parting and tongue shoving his way into Edward's mouth. Edward felt the sharp undertones to this embrace, to this kiss. How it was born of hate, born of a common distaste they both had and couldn't deny.

kaisercartel - "oh no" ♪
i think i love you, oh no. i think i want you, oh no. i think i'll wreck you, oh no. i think i'll eat you alive, oh no.

Edward lifted himself and looked down at Jacob, his eyes showing all of the desperation he tried his best to never reveal. "I could love you," Edward said as he looked away. "I could try."
Jacob sat up, pushing Edward aside. "Don't say that. Just… don't. That doesn't matter. None of this matters. This never happened. There is no us. You need to get that through your head."
Edward sat up and placed his hand on Jacob's knee. "You love me. I see it in your head every day. I want you to know that I want to try to love you back."
"But, you won't. You're incapable of loving anyone. Look at you. You're so pathetic. It doesn't matter what I feel, I'm realistic and know better than to give into what is wrong." Jacob stood, pacing the floor in front of the bed with his head down. "I won't. I meant it. This was the last time."

muse - "falling down" ♪
i was calling your name, but you would never hear me sing. you wouldnt let me begin, so i'm crawling away, 'cause you broke my heart in two. no, i will not forget you.

Jacob shook his head and began to throw his clothes back on, not caring that his shirt was inside out. "I want to forget you, forget every single thing we've ever done together, and most of all I want to forget…" Jacob hesitated and turned, pulling his shoes on and never finishing his sentence. Edward stared at the door after it was slammed closed, hoping it would open again and it would all be taken back. Then, Jacob finished his sentence in his head, cursing himself the entire way to his car.

Individual music downloads are the little music notes by the songs.